Do you have nagging feeling that life just isn’t quite what it should be? A simmering feeling of discontent, a festering irritability? This is the daily dose of suffering that you and I experience.
There is no other suffering that wanting what you don’t have, wanting to get rid of something that you have but don’t want or the neurotic form – I have what I want, but I’m afraid I’ll lose it.
– Jim Gilman (my teacher)
All spiritual traditions talk about suffering. They are not talking only about poverty, sickness and homelessness. While those are more extreme forms of suffering, what they are talking about is much more common place. Getting upset with your partner, feeling sorry for yourself because someone was unkind, getting annoyed at your boss who wants you to work late…. again.
This suffering manifests as a low grade restlessness and irritability. Eventually, it becomes so part of our life that we start believing that this state of affairs is life. But it doesn’t have to be.
To transcend suffering, we have to understand what suffering is. There is no other suffering that wanting what you don’t have, wanting to get rid of something that you have but don’t want or the neurotic form – I have what I want, but I’m afraid I’ll lose it.
So let’s apply this to one scenario so we can understand better. Let’s say you don’t get a promotion at work. You are really upset. Why are you upset? Because you really wanted the promotion and the validation that comes with it. So suffering is brought on by wanting something, the promotion, that you don’t have.
We think that we are suffering because of not getting what we want. But it is the wanting itself that is the source of our suffering. This is a corollary of the pleasure principle.
This is not an escapist teaching. We don’t fake resign from life and say “I don’t want anything”. Instead, we learn to act skillfully in the world. We can have goals and desires but not be attached to the outcome. Simple, but not easy. It’s like a tightrope walk – balancing our desire and yet not letting it unbalance us.