There is a terrible disease that we remain unaware of. A disease that robs us of our peace and joy. What is this insidious disease and how do we reclaim our joy from it?
Picture the last time that you got into an argument. Perhaps it was with a friend, family member, colleague, partner or (gasp!) a random online stranger. With the benefit of perspective, recall what it was about.
Go beyond the surface details on who did or said what. Notice that the underlying motivation behind the argument was a desire to be right – “I am right, you are wrong”. This desire to be right causes us and others around us a lot of suffering.
If we go deeper into this need to be right, we realize that it stems from a concretized, black-and-white view of the world. A view where things should be a certain way or should not be a certain way. A view where the opinions of others are only valid if they align with our own. Attachment of any form causes suffering. When we hold on tightly to a certain viewpoint, suffering is guaranteed.
Just for a moment, imagine the same interaction. What if you just said at the start, “I understand what you mean”. How would the interaction have unfolded? Can you see how the entire interaction changes when we drop our attachment to being right?
This does not mean that we can’t have preferences. It does not mean that we are a pushover. What it means is that we make a sincere attempt to understand the other person’s perspective. When we do that without judgement, we make the space for the other person to share more freely. When both people share more freely, we can deal with the situation more skillfully.
So, try dropping your need to be right and see how it can make you a happier person.