It’s time for the holidays. For most of us, that means spending more time with our loved (and not-so-loved) ones. Paradoxically, it’s also a time for learning a lot about ourselves…. if we are willing.
Every relationship is a foggy mirror that shows us a little about us. It’s especially true for close personal relationships like family.
Does your aunt who can’t stop talking drive you up a wall? Or perhaps you get annoyed by your father who pretends like he knows everything and lectures you?
Try this experiment the next time you find yourself getting annoyed. Accept the person in front of you just as they are. In practice, this means giving them your full attention without judgement. It means not trying to argue with them, change them or ignore them. Yes, you read that right. You can’t just ignore them. Ignorance is not acceptance.
An attitude of open curiosity works quite well. It might be challenging in the beginning, but gets easier with practice.
As you keep doing this, you will find that you not only understand the person who annoys you better. Paradoxically, you will understand yourself better. You will start spotting patterns of habitual behavior – how certain things trigger you. You will start realizing that the kernel of the behavior that annoys you is also present in your own mind. You will realize how much energy you waste trying to control, protect and manipulate the world per your idea of how things should be.
My meditation teacher says, “You spot it, you got it”. I have found that very true in my experience. If you keep practicing acceptance of others, you will also find the truth in that statement.
Merry Christmas!